I work at the only ice cream store in my town. I used to dislike it a little bit but then I worked a year at the GAP in Binghamton and learned that I would a million times rather be scooping ice cream for hours than selling people ugly, over-priced tee shirts that come in twenty different colors and getting the cold shoulder when no one wanted to buy them. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk into GAP/Old Navy/whatever again without feeling a hint of hatred. Long story chort, I am a much better scoopstress than saleswhoaman.
Anyways, so the other day I was working at good ol’ Mountain Ice Cream and Video (and Books), sporting my half-fake smile and ready to make Westminster’s ice cream dreams reality, when a customer comes up to the window and orders a “hut fuhj sundie”. You may be thinking, what the fuck is that? And I thought the same thing. I asked the probably 65-year-old man to repeat himself, and he said it again. “A hut fuhj sundie, wit vuhnilla eyes cream and no nuts. Just cream and a cherry.” I did my best not to laugh at him/punch him in the face for making the normal words “hot fudge sundae” into something so terrible, and thankfully was successful. Not gonna lie though, I considered somehow destroying his sundie, but in the end just served that shit up with a smile and a “have a great night!” like a little bitch.
What really sucks though is that old people just aren’t fit for the modern ice cream world. About 75% of the time, they’ll order a kiddie sized (often referred to as “baby size”) maple walnut, apparently unaware that other flavors exist. 100% of the time they’ll complain about the size of their kiddie, saying something under their breath like “oh my goodness that’s a kiddie?” or “Jesus, kids must be really huge these days!” All the while I’m just standing there thinking, you’re actually complaining about how big your ice cream is? Are you that big of a pussy that you can’t eat more than a spoonful of ice cream? What’s MORE, they hardly ever give you more than a 25 cent tip. You give them back 50 cents, they’ll give you a quarter. You give them back a dollar, they’ll give you fifteen cents out of the huge collection of change they keep in their pockets at all times. With all that being said, old people still aren’t as bad as the 10-year-old sk8r bois who come by with five of their friends and give you no tips after ordering their extra thick frappes, but that’s a different story.
Welp, hope you LUV’d my first tumble. Git money git paid. Love, Jiss.